Dear Penny,
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and things have been going great. We're both in our late 20s, we have a lot in common, and we're thinking about moving in together. However, there's one issue that's been causing tension between us, and that's his mortgage.
My boyfriend owns a house, which he bought before we started dating. He's been struggling to keep up with the payments and has been asking me to help him out by paying some of the mortgage. At first, I didn't mind helping him out a bit, but lately he's been demanding that I pay a bigger portion of the mortgage, and it's starting to feel like he's taking advantage of me.
I understand that buying a house can be a big financial burden, especially for a single person, but I also feel like it's his responsibility to make sure he can afford the mortgage payments on his own. I have my own bills and expenses to worry about, and I don't think it's fair for him to expect me to contribute so much to his mortgage.
Furthermore, He's been saying that we're going to move in together and I will be living in his house and that's why I should help him with mortgage payments. But the thing is, I haven't even agreed to move in yet and also we haven't discussed any agreement or arrangement as of how the household expenses will be shared if we ever move in together. I don't think it's right for him to assume that I'm going to help him with his mortgage just because we're dating and might move in together.
I care about my boyfriend and I want to be there for him, but I also don't want to feel taken advantage of. I'm not sure what to do in this situation, and I'm worried that it might cause problems between us. What do you think?
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
It sounds like you're in a difficult situation, and I understand why you're feeling frustrated and taken advantage of. It's not fair for your boyfriend to expect you to help him with his mortgage payments, especially without any clear agreement or understanding about how household expenses will be shared if you two decide to move in together.
First and foremost, it's important to remember that you have the right to make your own financial decisions, and you should never feel pressured to contribute to someone else's mortgage payments if you don't feel comfortable doing so. If you're not ready to move in together yet, it's perfectly okay to make that clear to your boyfriend, and it's also okay to express that you don't feel comfortable contributing to his mortgage payments at this time.
It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and concerns. Explain to him how you feel and why you're not comfortable contributing to his mortgage payments. It's also important to discuss and make a clear agreement on how expenses will be shared if you do decide to move in together.
Additionally, it might be a good idea for your boyfriend to consider other options to help him manage his mortgage payments. He can speak to his lender about any modifications or refinancing options that might be available, or even talk to a financial advisor for guidance on how to better manage his finances.
Overall, it's important to remember that your relationship should be based on mutual respect and trust, and it's not fair for your boyfriend to expect you to take on a financial burden that's not yours to bear. It's important to have open and honest communication, and to make sure that you're both on the same page about your financial expectations
and responsibilities.
Another point to consider is the potential long-term implications of your contribution to your boyfriend's mortgage. While it may seem like a small sacrifice in the short term, it could potentially create larger issues down the road. For example, if your relationship ends, you could be left feeling resentful for having contributed to a mortgage that is not yours. Additionally, if you and your boyfriend do move in together, it's important to establish clear boundaries and expectations for how you will both handle financial responsibilities in the future.
It's also important to consider the bigger picture of your relationship and what you want for your future. If your boyfriend is not willing to have open and honest conversations about finances and is unwilling to take responsibility for his own mortgage payments, it could be a red flag for how he handles finances in the long-term. If this is a pattern and it causes you concern and stress in the relationship, it's a valid point to consider before moving in together or making any other bigger steps in the relationship.
Overall, it's essential to remember that you have the right to make your own financial decisions and to take care of yourself. While it's important to be supportive of your partner, you shouldn't feel pressured to take on responsibilities that are not yours to bear. It's important to have open and honest communication and to set clear boundaries about finances in your relationship. It's also important to consider the potential long-term implications of your contributions, and whether this aligns with your overall goals and desires for your relationship and your future.
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