CHAPTER 4: REFLECTION, BREAKING DOWN YOUR INTERACTION
BREAKING DOWN YOUR REFERENCES.
Take the time to break them down the right way or you will get empty reference experiences. You have to break them down. Just going out is not enough. You will get stuck, you will do always the same mistakes and you will not progress for years. You will fall into another comfort zone.
Do it directly after going out. Not during. Or you won’t be getting the max value of being out. Don’t break it down with your friends either. Do that at the end of the night. You will get logical, you will lose the flow. Number one rule when out, do not talk about game. Keep things, light, keep things fun. You would be judging yourself, you would become logical and not social. Do it as soon as the night ends while it’s still fresh. Write it down. Everything you fucking remember.
Make the most out of every single reference experience. Even those you think are meaningless. It’s just you thinking that. Even if you stand still for 5 minutes, you can learn things. Look at the deeper layer of things. You should feel how people react to you, the energetic flow you are projecting etc. Or ask yourself why you are standing still, what is preventing you from taking action.
Always ask yourself what you did exactly and why you did it. Find the why. A lot of things are out of habit. And you don’t even realize it. You might not realize what you are doing wrong. Ask yourself why you didn’t do something. The whys of action and inaction. Be aware of how you feel.
Be aware of the other person as well. Ask yourself what she did and didn’t do, what she felt, how you emotionally affected her, what she experienced with your around, what was her goal, what type of conversation she was open to have.
Be aware of social cues. How receptive was she to you approaching her. Bambi eyes, pupils dilated, speaking with trying for rapport. You can sense if she is very receptive. Is she reciprocating? If you squeeze, does she do the same. If you stop talking, does she keep the conversation going? What does she respond to, nice or dick, does she like it more when she is chasing for your attention or she likes you to give full attention. Are you in the phase where you have to talk and qualify or you have to let her do it? Is she cocky and you need to tease her or shy and needs compliments? You either put pressure on her or take it away. You put pressure by laser eye contact, you lean in, you are physical, little pushes like I hate you. You take away pressure by leaning back, looking away, I love you, not being physical with hands behind back. The whole interaction contains both. Initially you put pressure on, read her and take away pressure if it’s too much. Signs of too much are tense eyes. Take a step back. Or a nervous laugh, she is taking steps back. Sign of not enough pressure is that she is bored. You need to get a feel of it. Notice how you feel, She will react differently depending how you feel.
Her peer group situation and social image. What would her friends think of her talking to you, making out with you etc.? Does she care? Is her social image getting better or worse if she hangs out with you?
Break down references from others too. Ask the questions above and learn something from others. If someone is successful, learn from it. IF they fuck up, learn from that. Learn from their excuses. Stay away from that. There is no such thing as a useless experience. You can learn from anything if you are smart enough. Take it seriously and write every fuckin detail down. These help you with motivation as well. If you internalize that no matter how fucking shit the reference experience, you get value from it, you WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE. You won’t be avoiding experiences, you will look for them so you can learn.
Look up content. After you take action, in order to know how to break down the reference experiences. You will need the theory. You won’t know what to look for if you don’t fucking understand it. You need to process information. And fill in the blanks. Don’t get overwhelmed. Some people get stuck too much on theory and they don’t take enough action. Some guys can compartmentalize it all without enough action. You need to find a balance.
Prioritize looking up material you can link to your references. For example your interaction wasn’t sexual. You go home and you look up content on how to be more sexual. Watch content on what you did right, so you can reinforce what you did right. Every time you go out, link it to content and every time you watch content link it to going out and think about the reference experiences. You need to make those things click, then the concepts will cement in your head.
Write down 3 lessons at least every time you go out. Next time you go out you will work on those lessons. This is on a micro level. On a macro level, take a longer frame of time and look the the recurring lessons. You will find your sticking points so you can fix them. You will be able to work on them, and you will progress faster.
INTERPRETING YOUR REFERENCES.
You need to use your reference experiences to reinforce and cultivate the right mindsets and beliefs that you want. More confidence self-love, positive assumptions etc. You need to learn how to interpret them so you can internalize the right way.
There is no such thing as a negative reference experiences. Guys don’t want to get rejected because they think that bad situation will reinforce e bad beliefs. There are only negative interpretations of experiences.
It’s all a matter of perspective, it’s something that happens, not good not bad but neutral. Take the right lessons and choose to interpret it so it teaches you a lesson. You can interpret it in a positive way. You can’t choose what happens to you but you can choose how you feel about it and why not feel great about it. Interpret them in a way it’s beneficial to you. This is fundamental skill you need to cultivate. Most guys focus on the wrong things, the things they did wrong, the times they fuck up. They only see the wrong things and they reinforce they negative beliefs. You need to see mistakes but focus on the positive things. If you talk to 2 girls, one good one bad, don’t focus only on the rejection, consider the amazing interaction as well. You will start subconsciously looking for proof that you suck that this doesn’t work and that you should stay the same. Snap out of it, be objective, take the lessons and replay the stuff you did well.
Take the positive out of everything, even the stuff out of your control. Don’t say what you did doesn’t count. Overblow and give yourself credit. Reinforce success consciousness.
This is not just blind positivity but creativity. It’s you taking actual experiences and reframing them and asking yourself how you make them good. For example rejection. Break the reference down, take the lessons and interpret it in a way it helps you. Don’t reinforce failure consciousness, consider it as something funny, that was so funny I am awesome. I was too awesome she couldn’t handle my awesomeness. I was too cool and I didn’t humanize myself enough. This comes down to what helps you instead of what is actually true. IT is delusional, but you will go a long way with it as long as you don’t lose your view on reality. Most people have negative delusion. If you think you suck with women, it’s who you are, anything that is outside of that will be blocked off. You will want to remain who you are right now. You won’t even notice it the good things. Use blind spots to failure. Block the failure consciousness.
Selected blind spots. I am awesome and everybody loves me. Reinforce this instead of feeling bad for rejections. I am the best match for every single girl, I am destined for success. Every single girl is thinking about sex every second of the day. It will help you. If you think every girl is thinking about dick, you won’t feel nervous of not letting them know you are hitting on her, you will be direct and move the interaction towards sex, you won’t be apologetic. Cultivate these mindsets.
How can I use these references to reinforce the blind spots? This is how you change your beliefs and reinforce existing beliefs. You can’t just tell yourself things. You need the proof and any fucking reference can serve as proof. Everything something goes well it adds to the positive side of the balance. There is also a negative side of the balance, but to accelerate the whole process you can choose to add everything to the positive side. If you want to change a belief, you question the experiences that made you believe that concept and you change them with positive experiences.
LEARNING FROM YOUR REFERENCES.
You can keep trying how many times as you like. You still have to play it smart and learn from your experiences. Don’t keep doing the same thing over and over again making the same mistakes over and over again. Example of guys who start approaching 1 girl, they feel the anxiety, they still go against their emotions and they do the approach. Then they amp it up by approaching 2 girls, 3 girls, guys and girls and they keep amping it up by doing crazier things. However they don’t improve. They are persistent, they push themselves but not in a smart way.
Stubborn persistence vs. adaptable persistence. Persistence must be productive. Stubborn persistence is like banging yourself on a wall harder and harder thinking you will break through. Instead work around the wall. Apply intelligence. If what you are doing is not working, switch it up. Getting out of your comfort zone is good, do crazy things but only while you progress. Too much of something is always bad. Commit to a girl, have a longer interaction and pull for example. This can be tough, we always try to find comfort. You might get used to do the crazy things and it will become your new comfort. You will rationalize feeling good about yourself. You are taking action, hell yea, but you are staying the same.
Work on the stuff you are not used to doing and on the stuff you don’t do well yet. You might become good to do the crazy things. You might be good at spiking attraction. Switch away from that and do what you don’t do well. Let go of your ego. The more you do something the more you are invested in it and the more ego comes into play. You will have invested way too much and you will want to make it work. You won’t be willing to reevaluate. You won’t be willing to give up.
Never get emotionally attached to a certain way of doing things. You might realize later on that your foundation was weak and you will have to start over. You will have to go backwards. People drink because they like the results they get, but soon enough they will get to a stagnating point. They will have to stop drinking, go back to square one and build up again. You stagnate, in order to keep going up you have to go down, so you can go higher. Think long term as well. Your results may temporarily suck, but going through the short term of temporary sucking will be better. Drinking example.
Be open minded to suggestions, feedback and criticism. From others and yourself.
A lot of game is getting rid of bad habits. Be aware of your unconscious habits. Tying for rapport tonality for example. That’s bad. Breaking rapport. You talk normal, like to a friend. Unwire the bad habit. Be aware of it. You can’t get rid of a habit but you can replace it. Some people leave interaction too early instead of building them up and sticking through. That’s a bad habit. Replace that habit with moving the girl around instead. When you feel that urge to leave, take her with you.
Don’t take everything you hear dogmatically. Don’t think that if you see something working, it will work every time. There are a lot of subtleties to make it work. There are too many variables. Tonality, volume, sub communication.
There is too much information around. It’s easy to get lost in the information. Thinking that you have to absorb all the content before going out. You will never absorb it all.
Go directly to the seed of knowledge. Learn from the best, not the average. Don’t stay around beginners. It just gives you a nice sense of unity, inspiration. But that can’t be your
main source of information. Learn from the fucking best. Watch the best knowledge over and over again. You are the average of the 5 people you hang out the most with.
Find the best in the field and only stick to those at first. With time you can spread and learn from everyone. When you are new you don’t know how to differentiate between good and bad. GO online and you have directly access to them. Even if it’s virtual. 5 average people concept. Make books your friends, products, audiobooks, videos. The online version of a guy will be the guy you hang out the most with. Re-watch the same videos over and over, inject knowledge and remove ignorance. The best people give you the best of themselves. Don’t be afraid of watching a video and reading a book more than once. You are not doing it for the action, to tell yourself you have read it.
Ego content digestion. You are not doing it to tell yourself. You are doing it to keep the reality of pick up alive. IT is good and it is who you are. Re-watch it. You will forget a lot of stuff. It is a good reinforce of what you know. You don’t have to finish the product to get value. Learn to skim the content. IF you aren’t getting value, skim through it, find the valuable parts. The ones you can link to your references, watch them over and over again.
Don’t be stubborn. Don’t be afraid of investing in things. It is investing in yourself. Material things devalue in time. Everything is an exchange. If you want to take you have to give as well. If you can’t have a return on your money invested, you fucked up. Many people think they are above. They don’t need these. They can do it on their own. Some guys can do this, however it will take a long time. You think you are being smart and saving when you are just being stubborn and losing. Paid products have only value, no noise. Don’t try to do your own thing, create your own style if you are new. Don’t do your thing. Copy what people have spent years doing. Copy until you get to their level.
Anyone who has made it to the top has had real life mentors. Surrounding yourself with them is the only way you can cheat the system. They have more wisdom than you and have been through more bullshit than you. They will help you identify what you are doing wrong. You will always be subjective. Even a little. External perspectives help a lot.
For you to accelerate the learning process you have to go beyond what you think is your maximum effort. You could and should be hitting harder than you are. You think you are good, average but there is a whole world out there. There is a great room for intensity. See the best in person so you can see how hard you can hit it.
No hero worship. Don’t be a fan. No one wants to be personal friends with fans. They are the same as you. For you to learn from that person you have to see his success and his failures and you won’t be able to if you are his fan. Be normal around that person, you will have more value and you will stand out. IF you are normal around these guys, they will feel like they can have a genuine conversation with you, they will feel nice.
Asking for someone to be a mentor. This never works. You are asking what you can take from them. You can’t do that.
Offer value. Everything is an exchange. Ask yourself what you can give him, what he wants. Most of the time it concerns other needs. They don’t need more game from you. They are already good at game, or any area of life they are good in and you want them to mentor you. Offer value in another area. It will be a win-win situation.
Make it easy on them. Don’t tell them your life story. They don’t have the time. Make it straight to the point, so they can deal with it fast. Asking easy to answer questions as first. Don’t ask any question, select precise questions, which won’t wear the person down. Doing this does help them invest in you. If you ask easy questions, they think these will be easy to answer and they won’t require a high level of energy investment. Therefore they will be more likely to help you in the long run. Don’t just ask any fucking question. The main thing about mentor is being around him. Questions are secondary. Observe and stay around him. Also have some social intelligence and make the mentors your friends. Don’t ask too many questions at the wrong time for example. Be a person they would want to hang out with.
Never complain, never be negative and never suck energy. Be fun, vibrant, and positive. Smile and laugh all the time.
Whatever it takes to get in close, do it. No matter what it is. Be willing to pay the price. Fly out, do free labor, do bullshit tasks. NO matter what the fuck it is. Being around for some time is priceless.
Get on their radar. Don’t be leachy. Offering values, don’t ask specific questions related to the area of mentorship. Think of what the mentor would need from you. You must have resources. You should help him out. You should have time.
Focus on providing value. Why should they take you?