CHAPTER 3: ACTION
Field experience is king. The only way to change who you are is through reference experiences. You can understand all this stuff, confidence, but in order to become part of who you are, you need to experience it.
Knowing about it and understanding it is not enough. It won’t make you good and change you. Your fucking actions change you. Jump in. Go out right now. Get some experiences. Just try something, even if you don’t know what you are doing. If you don’t start now, re-watch/read the previous videos until you take action. If they can’t get you in the right mindset, give up. The ability to jump in, to throw yourself into the fire, into the unknown is what gets you good. When you learn something, go field test it. Right in that moment, as soon as possible. Develop the ability to do things without knowing beforehand how to do them.
Everyone wants to do it right. They read the manual beforehand. That’s how they approach anything in their lives. So they do it right and they don’t fuck up. With game this doesn’t work.
It is impossible to know how to do it right without already having the reference experience of doing it right. Until you have the experience of succeeding, you don’t even know what succeeding it. It’s just speculation. Imagining different scenarios. Instead of speculating, jump in and find out. Nobody starts perfect, don’t expect to start perfect, expect to fuck up. Do what you can and do it at best.
You don’t have to do it right to get value from that experience. People think they need to master game before taking action, so when they approach, they can take the interaction to sex and succeed. That will be valuable. This is similar to reading books. You don’t need to read from start to finish, you still get value from the first chapter. With women it’s the same, you get value from a bunch of hellos, more than nothing. Go out, try. Even if you fuck up, you have a reference of what fucking up is, so you know next time.
Content and theory without reference experiences is completely useless. That’s why you see contradictions and paradoxes. When you start going out and getting experiences it will make sense. Reading the manual beforehand will hinder you, it will confuse you. You can know too much and it will freeze you. It’s like playing a videogame, NO one reads the manual beforehand. No one expects to do it right by reading the manual. You take it and jump in, you learn how to move, jump etc. with trial and error. When you have some experience, you check the manual. That’s how you get good. Same with game, you have to fuck up a lot. Race games. Learning the track. Learning the environment. Learning the unknown. Get used to the unknown. NO matter how good you get, you will find strange environments. And you will freeze. You need to learn to adapt. Take the leap.
Learn how to embrace chaos, unpredictability and messiness. That’s what an interaction is. You can’t follow a script. There will always be bullshit. Everyone is unique. Stop trying to prescript things. You are addicted to comfort, you try to find something to say, a schedule. You can prescript a few lines, but you are just delaying the bullshit and unpredictability. Jump in right now without knowing and get used to the unknown. This will also develop core confidence.
Waiting for inspiration to strike. I don’t feel motivated, inspired, my emotions are not in line, I will wait for the magical moment. That moment will ever come. We are creatures of habit. Going out is not a habit, it’s something new. You are not comfortable, you won’t feel motivated. Emotions will tell you to stay where you are. Don’t wait for the moment, execute.
Action comes before inspiration. Your emotions follow your actions. You take action and with time the more familiar you get to taking action, the more your emotions will align with it. Don’t wait for that lucky thing. Don’t wait to see some product, some video, some day, wait for New Year’s etc. Make your own luck. When is your lucky day? TODAY.
Blaming circumstances. I don’t have the time. I want to jump in but I am too busy, too tired, too soon, I will wait a bit, a better opportunity will come. Don’t wait, just fucking start. Successful people start anywhere anyhow with any condition. They will still fucking start. They don’t wait for things to happen, they make it happen. Focus on making your circumstances work. They won’t change. Don’t blame your circumstances, blame your philosophy. What happens doesn’t matter, it’s what you do about it that matters. Look back at your past. You probably were in a similar situation. What makes you think your circumstances are changing in the future? You will be in the same situation. There won’t be any drastic changes to your life. Things either remain the same or get worse. You are tired now, what makes you think a year from now you will feel less tired. IT will be the opposite. It will be harder in the future. It is foolish to wait because tomorrow it will be fucking worse. Change your current circumstances. Find time. Cut out the bullshit, the other things. Take action. Stop rationalizing.
I need to handle this other thing first. I understand I need to go out and take action but before that I need to get better at speaking, meditating or other things. I need to master there then I will jump in. They will do anything they can in order to avoid the game. Game is the hardest thing but it’s what you are going to do. Don’t avoid it. You can later add the other things, but game is the number one priority. Proactive procrastination. I’m doing it because it helps me move forward. Do this at all costs.
Newer is better. I need to wait for this new thing to come out. Then I will be ready to take action. Work with what you fucking have. If you can’t take action now, waiting for that new thing won’t help. You will lose momentum, rationalize and wait for the next shit to come out. Do it now. The new thing helps you but it’s not a necessity. You should take action no matter what.
I have time to get this handled. I will wait for tomorrow. It’s easy to rationalize you have time until you are near death. You don’t have all the time in the world, it is limited, value it and get the most of it. Put a fire under your ass. You are either going up or down. Every time you don’t take action you go further and further down, and waiting for another day will make things much harder. You won’t be able to snap out of it. It will take longer to build you back to where you are, after you fall.
Stop being a bitch and jump in. It doesn’t matter what you think, how you feel, what your circumstances are.
Taking action is nonnegotiable. If you don’t take action, you are not part of game. You have to do it.
Fear of rejection is the thing that holds you back. Our society protects us out fragile egos from failure and rejection. You are told you can do anything, and you start to believe it. You live in that fantasy world of potential. You rather live in that little world. You don’t want to go through the real sacrifices. You live through the stories of others. TV series, movies. You imagine yourself reaching that potential but you never do it.
Value actual results over bullshit potential. Go out and try. Potential is nothing, results matter. Choose a life of hassle, ambition, determination and go all out. Fuck being a spectator, let’s find out, and get epic results.
Check your age at the door. This is all ego protection. You are not here to maintain an image, you are here to change. You must make a shift. Stop trying to impress. Guys get into game just to seem cool, to impress people and themselves, validation. Get away from this. You are not in this to impress anyone. A lot of people feel like they have a person on their shoulder who they should impress. Cultivate a judgment free relationship with yourself and other people. You don’t have to impress yourself nor other people.
What is your batting average? Approach to close ratio. Number of rejections. People want the no rejection method. It is reinforcing a playing not to lose than playing to win mindset. You are focusing on the things that you don’t want to happen instead on the things you want to go right. By focusing on avoiding things to happen, you will make them happen. It also gets you playing not to lose. You aren’t trying to succeed. You value not getting rejected instead of being successful. For these people a good night is not where they get the girl, it’s when they are liked by anyone and not get rejected. Trying to have a high success rate is a form of being a people pleaser. You have wounds and you want them to be fixed.
Some girls will not like you no matter what, no matter how good you get. You cannot avoid rejection completely. You should get rejected, you are not meant to have chemistry with every girl. It is not natural. You can try to pretend you can get along, you can pretend to be someone else. Even then it is impossible. It hurts to be rejected, it hurts to be accepted to be someone you are not. You will not be closing every girl, you will not be liked by everyone.
Don’t be afraid to alienate people who don’t relate. Learn to go up and screen for girls who you have chemistry with instead of chasing people you should not be chasing in order to fuel your ego. A lot of guys approach girls as the seller, they look for anyone who would buy them. Be the buyer, approach, you are not expecting everyone to like you, you are screening for girls who like you. Sort through the bullshit to find the ones you like and get along with. Don’t use it as an excuse. Use social intelligence. Give the best of yourself. Don’t use it as an excuse to go for less beautiful women. I don’t need the beautiful women, I like the ugly ones. You can make this decision after you tried them all. Don’t pick your favorite flavor until you tried them all. Go get the beautiful and then choose which you want. Trying to measure your success rate is like trying to measure your soul with mathematics.
This is art not science. Every interaction is unique, messy, and it’s impossible to have 100% control of the outcome. It depends on chemistry, her and your mood, your and her intentions. You could persist further but you have fun in the moment and you don’t want to sleep with her. The length of the interaction. Backgrounds. Maybe she is having a terrible day. There are elements of randomness that are out of your control. Don’t get rejection personally.
Only be accountable for what you can control. Distinguish what is in your control and what isn’t, then accept what isn’t, that the problem lies outside of you and you can’t do anything about it. Focus what you can control. Let go of the rest, don’t blame yourself for it. You did everything right but there were some elements you couldn’t predict and you couldn’t do anything about it. Don’t feel sad for what you can’t change. Go out, do your best and let the chips fall where they may. Your actions, make sure you went all out. Her reactions do not count.
Rejection is just unfinished business. You could see a girl later and make it happen. Don’t take it personally and most of time it’s out of your control.
You need rejection. To succeed you need to be ready to fail. To get good you need trial and error. You will learn to stand up straight. You need to fuck up. You don’t lose anything by fucking up, If you forget your ego, you will lose nothing. If you fuck up, you can try again. You have no limited amount of tries. People feel they have a limited amount of tries. If they fuck up, they try to play it safe. They don’t put themselves out there and they don’t progress.
You have an infinite amount of tries. You can keep trying till you die. When you fail, you don’t lose anything. You get closer to success.
Embrace failure and get used to failure. Instead of failing once and telling yourself something better isn’t a possibility. Failure is essential to growth. Rejection is essential to growth. If you avoid that, you avoiding growth. You are avoiding change. If you are stagnating, that’s why. Expect rejection.
Unexpected failure is discouraging, expected failure isn’t. You know things are going wrong
Welcome all experiences. 0 expectations, go out, you will grow from it. That’s how you have fun when you go out.
Failure is the source of many breakthroughs. You can still learn from a bad reference experience. If you fail, you will learn. Take the value out of it. You need both, the good nights and the bad nights. You don’t know what reference will turn the things on.
Learn to see the value in rejection. Rejection can motivate you. Fuck not again, go to another, fuck not again, you will build your fire. Rejection destroys your ego. Rejections make your more grounded, core confidence. You will feel at ease in any environments by progressively desensitizing yourself to all your environments with different experiences. The more you get rejected, the more you become numb to it. Completely at fucking ease. Girls needs a guy who is at ease in the world, so they can rely on him. You are that pillar among the chaos. They can relax and experience good emotions around you. Example travelling the world. You can do it in first, class, hotels, cars etc. or you can do it in the worst possible conditions, finding your way through things. This second way will give depth to your personality. The other is comfort. Get away from comfort. The uncomfortable experiences made you the person you are today. Even if they sucked. You don’t regret them, they built you. That’s the same for rejections. Even if they suck in the moment, they are shaping you, the universe will get you what you need to evolve, not what you want. When something goes wrong, is part of a bigger picture that goes right. You embrace this but it’s still going to suck in the beginning. NO matter what. Embrace the pain.
The more emotionally traumatizing the experience, the better. The deeper it hits you, when you get rejected, the better. That’s when shit inside you is changing. Embrace the pain. Going to the gym. Pain to growth. Don’t numb the pain with alcohol etc. You are preventing the change. Let it hit you. HARD. If you go out and drink, you won’t change who you are. You will work on the you who had a few drinks. You will always need those drinks. Work on the sober you. Be happy about the trauma. It snaps you in the present. When you blindly go with the flow. You will feel present. Experience it that way. Let the pain and humiliation sink in you. Reality is full of pain, accept it. You want a reality pain free which doesn’t exist.
Develop a perverted pleasure of pain. When it’s hitting you on a deep level, you are growing, YOU ARE HAPPY. Get real rejections too. Don’t eject the interaction before the rejection. When the thing is dying down. BE a man and get it in the face. Don’t do it all the time, but don’t bounce too early. That won’t make you grow as much. Don’t let it discourage you. Don’t take the easy way out either. Do the hard thing most people don’t do. When it’s hard, it’s worth it. It sets you apart. Resist that urge of quitting.
Keep things in perspective. You won’t die from it. Be realistic and relax. Don’t take it seriously. Don’t be stressed over it. You are talking to strangers who have no hold on you. You see the girl, you want to go, you can get rejected, you imagine the worst case scenarios. It’s so exaggerated it’s ridiculous. Your perception is also wrong. Your scenario, good or bad, doesn’t happen. NO matter what. Have positive assumptions. Go out, take action and notice that your worst case scenario didn’t happen. Take a note, make it a reference, do it many times until you realize it’s good, you will assume the best. THIs is how you change your assumptions.
This is a silly game with serious rules. A misfortune would be dying. This Is a game. Try again as many times as you want. IF you fuck up, you are not done. It’s not a serious ordeal, play to win and as hard as you can. Be realistic about girls as well. Don’t place them on the pedestal. They are just like you. When you see a girl you are scared of, picture her on Christmas morning. She won’t be maintaining the hot girl’s front with her family. Go beyond her front. Don’t buy into the front. Every girl who is scary is a sweetheart with the right guy. The beautiful girls don’t have their life together. They spend their days reading Facebook comments. She has flaws, she is a human. Be realistic about yourself, No one cares. You think if you get rejected, everyone will stare at you, judge you. NO one gives a fuck. It’s your narcissism that makes you think so. Everyone is caught up on themselves they won’t give a fuck. If someone sees you getting rejected, they won’t be talking about it for years. They don’t care. They will notice it, then back to their narcissistic solipsistic dialogue. They may even be jealous about you. They wish they had the balls to do what you did. Don’t be worried about maintaining a certain reputation. No one gives a fuck.
Find ways to be amused by rejection. Laugh about yourself. Mock rejection. Master the ability to laugh at yourself. Make jokes. I have money. I know Di Caprio. I am rich. If you laugh about it, the other people looking at you will think it went well, they will have no idea of you getting rejected. You will leave smiling and laughing. Even in your mind you eliminate the notion of rejection. You transform the event from a rejection to seething funny that happened. This fuels the massive fun and carefree attitude that is irresistible to women.
GETTING YOUR REFERENCES.
The more reference experiences you will get in the shortest amount of time, the faster you will get good at this. You go out and do it as many as possible as fast as possible. Bars and night clubs. Don’t find excuses about clubs. If you are avoiding those places you are retarded. Those places give you an unlimited number of women to practice with.
Clubs are high volume environments. You don’t waste time between an interaction and another. It’s crowded, you can talk to all of them, and you gather reference experiences fast. If you do it during the day, unless its high volume, you will waste time like crazy.
The more optionality you have the more mistakes you can make. If you go to a night club, there isn’t one girl, one opportunity. No pressure. There is tons of women, you can afford to fuck up with one, you can go to the next. The girls you see in the street, she goes out to clubs, bars. She doesn’t lock up in her room.
The logistics are in your favor. People are going to be there for a while. During the day people are going places and they might not have time for a long interaction. You need time to practice, not 5 seconds.
It also gives you anonymity. You can’t avoid rejection, you have to fuck it up. Getting the rejections is best in a night club where you don’t stand out much. In the day people notice you, and if you get rejected and try another girl, you will seem weird. In a night club if you talk to someone and it doesn’t go well, you walk a bit and you disappear in the crowd. Girls will be more willing to talk to you, mass approaching. If people notice you, they will forget about you faster. Don’t make the mistake or practicing on your social circles. That is retarded. You are going to fuck up, don’t fuck up at home. Cold approach strangers. Where there is no repercussions on your day to day life and when you get some experience, you can start gaming your day to day life. Night clubs INDEED are scary. You will feel uncomfortable. There is a lot of competition too. She is most likely with friends. Guys. Competition with strangers. Music, deejay, dance floor. It’s tough. Be happy that it’s tough and be happy that it’s scary.
The tougher the playground, the better you get inside. Learning to interact with women in such a crazy environment is like learning with swim in the ocean while being punched in the face. If you are able to learn it there, it will be a joke in other environments. If you can desensitize yourself to hectic environments like night clubs, you will be at ease anywhere. Day time will be a joke. Bars will be a joke. It will be easy. And with time, the more you will let go of negative assumptions for positive assumptions, instead of thinking them as scary places, they will be your arena of fun. Daddy’s home. You will feel comfortable.
Open everyone. Talk to everyone. Doesn’t matter who she is. Everything is valuable. If you talk to girls you only like, your progress will be very slow. There may be only 3-5 girls you like. In one night that’s terrible. Don’t sleep with the ones you don’t like. But commit to serious game with them.
Play serious game on every girl. Don’t half ass it. You are wasting a fucking reference. Get her number, you can delete it after. Practice everything. Guys think they will rise on occasion. You need to practice every step. You have to prepare for the real deal. When you will be interested, you will know exactly what to do.
This is about you, not the girl. This is about cultivating your personality, bettering yourself, putting yourself in harsh environments and sharing who you are. Don’t discriminate who you interact to. Let everyone experience you. Let everyone get attracted to you. Give to everyone. SO you can receive. When you approach only hot girls, you will automatically put them on a pedestal. You better not fuck it up. You will be attached to the outcome, needy, desperate and it will repel her. You will care too much. Go talk to girls you don’t find attractive until you have genuine fun. Note. If you are finding yourself scanning the environment for beautiful women, you are placing the value elsewhere. The better party is over there. The party is with you no matter where you are. You must have fun with anyone. There are no pedestals. You will talk to a gorgeous girl with the mindset that if you fuck up, you can have fun with the girl next to her. You won’t care as much. You are enough. You don’t need her, you don’t care so she will automatically care more than you. Focus on you. The party is you. You are the value. You will share your fun with every girls. You talk to everyone, share your fun, and you will eventually bump into the beautiful girl and it will be natural. You will have her. If you are judging women based on your attraction, you are reinforcing a reality based on judgment. Because you are judging them, you think people are judging you the same way, and it will paralyze you. You will
get caught up in trying to be cool. You won’t try risky things, you will care about your image.
Reinforce a judgment free reality. Everything is good, no one cares. Do what you want. If a beautiful girl sees you talking to an unattractive girl, she will like it, she will think you are a cool guy. You are having fun. It will show you don’t give a shit. People want to be around that, I don’t give a fuck vibe. Girls will be where you want them to be. If you think that’s the hot girl, the big deal, she will be so. She will hold off sleeping with you. Carefree, have fun, it’s all good. That’s how she will loosen up and sleep with you.