CHAPTER 3: ACTION
THE KICKSTART.
Field experience is king. The
only way to change who you are is through reference experiences. You can understand all this stuff,
confidence, but in order to become part of who you are, you need to experience
it.
Knowing about
it and understanding it is not enough. It won’t make you good and change you.
Your fucking actions change you. Jump in. Go out right now. Get some
experiences. Just try something, even if you don’t know what you are doing. If
you don’t start now, re-watch/read the previous videos until you take action.
If they can’t get you in the right mindset, give up. The ability to jump in,
to throw yourself into the fire, into the unknown is what gets you good. When
you learn something, go field test it. Right in that moment, as soon as
possible. Develop the
ability to do things without knowing beforehand how to do them.
Everyone
wants to do it right.
They read the manual
beforehand. That’s how they approach anything in their lives. So they do it
right and they don’t fuck up. With game this doesn’t work.
It is
impossible to know how to do it right without already having the reference
experience of doing it right. Until you have the experience of succeeding, you
don’t even know what succeeding it. It’s just speculation. Imagining different scenarios. Instead
of speculating, jump in and find out. Nobody starts perfect, don’t expect to start perfect,
expect to fuck up. Do
what you can and do it at best.
You don’t
have to do it right to get value from that experience. People think they need to master game before taking
action, so when they approach, they can take the interaction to sex and
succeed. That will be valuable. This is similar to reading books. You don’t
need to read from start to finish, you still get value from the first chapter.
With women it’s the same, you get value from a bunch of hellos, more
than nothing. Go out,
try. Even if you fuck up, you have a reference of what fucking up is, so you know next time.
Content and
theory without reference experiences is completely useless. That’s why you see
contradictions and paradoxes. When you start going out and getting experiences
it will make sense. Reading the manual beforehand will hinder you, it will
confuse you. You can know too much and it will freeze you. It’s like playing a videogame,
NO one reads the manual beforehand. No one expects to do it right by
reading the manual. You take it and jump in, you learn
how to move, jump etc. with trial
and error. When you
have some experience, you check the manual. That’s how you get good. Same with game, you have to fuck up a
lot. Race games.
Learning the track. Learning the environment. Learning the unknown. Get used to the unknown.
NO matter how good you get, you will find strange environments. And you will
freeze. You need to learn to adapt. Take the leap.
Learn how to embrace chaos, unpredictability and
messiness. That’s what
an interaction is. You can’t follow a script. There will always be bullshit. Everyone is unique. Stop trying
to prescript things. You
are addicted to comfort, you try to find something to say, a schedule. You can prescript a few lines, but
you are just delaying
the bullshit and unpredictability. Jump in right now without knowing and get used to the
unknown. This will also develop core confidence.
Waiting for
inspiration to strike. I don’t feel motivated, inspired, my emotions are not in
line, I will wait for the magical
moment. That moment will ever come. We
are creatures of habit. Going out is not a habit, it’s something new. You are
not comfortable, you won’t feel motivated. Emotions will tell you to stay where
you are. Don’t wait for the moment, execute.
Action comes
before inspiration. Your emotions follow your actions. You take action and
with time the more familiar you get to taking action, the more your emotions
will align with it. Don’t wait for that lucky thing. Don’t wait to see some
product, some video, some day, wait for New Year’s etc. Make your own luck. When is your lucky day? TODAY.
Blaming
circumstances. I don’t have the time. I want to jump in but I am too busy, too
tired, too soon, I will wait a bit, a better opportunity will come. Don’t wait, just fucking start.
Successful people start anywhere anyhow with any condition. They will still fucking start. They
don’t wait for things to happen, they make it happen. Focus on making your circumstances
work. They won’t change. Don’t blame your
circumstances, blame your philosophy. What happens doesn’t matter, it’s what
you do about it that matters. Look back at your past. You probably were in a
similar situation.
What makes you think your circumstances are changing in the future? You will be
in the same situation. There
won’t be any drastic changes to your life. Things either remain the same or get
worse. You are tired
now, what makes you think a year from now you will feel less tired. IT will be
the opposite. It will be harder in the future. It is foolish to wait because
tomorrow it will be fucking worse. Change your current circumstances. Find time. Cut out the
bullshit, the other things. Take action. Stop rationalizing.
I need to
handle this other thing first. I understand I need to go out and take action
but before that I need to get better at speaking, meditating or other things. I
need to master there then I will jump in. They will do anything they can in
order to avoid the game. Game is the hardest thing but it’s what you are going
to do. Don’t avoid it. You can later add the other things, but game is the
number one priority. Proactive procrastination. I’m doing it because it helps
me move forward. Do this at all costs.
Newer is
better. I need to wait for this new thing to come out. Then I will be
ready to take action. Work
with what you fucking have. If you can’t take action now, waiting for that new
thing won’t help. You will lose momentum, rationalize
and wait for the next shit to come out. Do it now. The new thing helps you but it’s
not a necessity. You should take action no matter what.
I have time to get this handled. I will wait for tomorrow. It’s easy to rationalize you have
time until you are near death. You don’t have all the time in the world, it is limited, value it and get the most of it.
Put a fire under your ass. You are either going up or down. Every
time you don’t take action you go further and further down, and waiting for
another day will make things much harder. You won’t be able to snap out of
it. It will take longer to build you back to where you are, after you fall.
Stop being
a bitch and jump in.
It doesn’t matter what you think, how you feel, what your circumstances are.
Taking action
is nonnegotiable. If you don’t take action, you are not part of game. You have
to do it.
LOVING
REJECTION.
Fear of
rejection is the thing that holds you back. Our society protects us out
fragile egos from failure and rejection. You are told you can do anything,
and you start to believe it. You live in that fantasy world of potential.
You rather live in that little world. You don’t want to go through the
real sacrifices. You live through the stories of others. TV series,
movies. You imagine yourself reaching that potential but you never do it.
Value actual
results over bullshit potential. Go out and try. Potential is nothing, results matter. Choose a life of hassle,
ambition, determination and go all out. Fuck being a spectator, let’s find out,
and get epic results.
Check your age
at the door. This is all ego protection. You are not here to maintain an
image, you are here to change. You must make a shift. Stop trying to impress. Guys get into game just to seem cool,
to impress people and themselves, validation. Get away from this. You are not
in this to impress anyone. A lot of people feel like they have a person on
their shoulder who they should impress. Cultivate a judgment free
relationship with yourself and other people. You don’t have to impress yourself
nor other people.
What is your
batting average? Approach to close ratio. Number of rejections. People want the
no rejection method. It is reinforcing a playing not to lose than playing to win mindset. You are focusing on the things that
you don’t want to happen instead on the things you want to go right. By
focusing on avoiding things to happen, you will make them happen. It also gets
you playing not to lose. You aren’t trying to succeed. You value not getting
rejected instead of being successful. For these people a good night is not
where they get the girl, it’s when they are liked by anyone and not get
rejected. Trying to have a high success rate is a form of being a people
pleaser. You have wounds and you want them to be fixed.
Some girls
will not like you no matter what, no matter how good you get. You cannot avoid
rejection completely. You
should get rejected, you are not meant to have chemistry with every girl. It is
not natural. You can
try to pretend you can get along, you can pretend to be someone else. Even then
it is impossible. It hurts to be rejected, it hurts to be accepted to be
someone you are not. You will not be closing every girl, you will not be liked by everyone.
Don’t be afraid to alienate people who don’t relate. Learn to go up and screen for girls who you have chemistry
with instead of chasing people you should not be chasing in order to fuel your
ego. A lot of guys
approach girls as the seller, they look for anyone who would buy them. Be the buyer, approach, you are
not expecting everyone to like you, you are screening for girls who like you.
Sort through the
bullshit to find the ones you like and get along with. Don’t use it as an
excuse. Use social intelligence. Give the best of yourself. Don’t use it as
an excuse to go for less beautiful women. I don’t need the beautiful women,
I like the ugly ones. You can make this decision after you tried them all. Don’t
pick your favorite flavor until you tried them all. Go get the beautiful
and then choose which you want. Trying to measure your success rate is like
trying to measure your soul with mathematics.
This is art
not science. Every interaction is unique, messy, and it’s impossible to have
100% control of the outcome. It depends on chemistry, her and your mood,
your and her intentions. You could persist further but you have fun in the
moment and you don’t want to sleep with her. The length of the interaction. Backgrounds. Maybe she is having a
terrible day. There are elements of randomness that are out of your control.
Don’t get rejection personally.
Only be
accountable for what you can control. Distinguish what is in your control
and what isn’t, then accept what isn’t, that the problem lies outside of you
and you can’t do anything about it. Focus what you can control. Let go of
the rest, don’t blame yourself for it. You did everything right but there were
some elements you couldn’t predict and you couldn’t do anything about it. Don’t
feel sad for what you can’t change. Go out, do your best and let the chips
fall where they may. Your actions, make sure you went all out. Her reactions do
not count.
Rejection
is just unfinished business. You could see a girl later and make it happen.
Don’t take it personally and most of time it’s out of your control.
You need
rejection. To succeed you need to be ready to fail. To get good you need
trial and error. You will learn to stand up straight. You need to fuck up.
You don’t lose anything by fucking up, If you forget your ego, you will lose
nothing. If you fuck up, you can try again. You have no limited amount of
tries. People feel they have a limited amount of tries. If they fuck up, they
try to play it safe. They don’t put themselves out there and they don’t
progress.
You have an
infinite amount of tries. You can keep trying till you die. When you fail,
you don’t lose anything. You get closer to success.
Embrace
failure and get used to failure. Instead of failing once and telling yourself
something better isn’t a possibility. Failure is essential to growth. Rejection is essential to
growth. If you avoid that, you avoiding growth. You are avoiding change. If you
are stagnating, that’s why. Expect rejection.
Unexpected
failure is discouraging, expected failure isn’t. You know things are going
wrong
Welcome all experiences. 0 expectations, go out, you
will grow from it. That’s how you have fun when you go out.
Failure is the
source of many breakthroughs. You can still learn from a bad reference
experience. If you fail, you will learn. Take the value out of it. You
need both, the good nights and the bad nights. You don’t know what
reference will turn the things on.
Learn to see
the value in rejection. Rejection can motivate you. Fuck not again, go to
another, fuck not again, you will build your fire. Rejection destroys your ego.
Rejections make your more grounded, core confidence. You will feel at
ease in any environments by progressively desensitizing yourself to all your
environments with different experiences. The more you get rejected, the
more you become numb to it. Completely at fucking ease. Girls needs a
guy who is at ease in the world, so they can rely on him. You are that
pillar among the chaos. They can relax and experience good emotions around you.
Example travelling the world. You can do it in first, class, hotels, cars etc.
or you can do it in the worst possible conditions, finding your way through
things. This second way will give depth to your personality. The other is
comfort. Get away from comfort. The uncomfortable experiences made you the
person you are today. Even if they sucked. You don’t regret them, they
built you. That’s the
same for rejections. Even if they suck in the moment, they are shaping you, the
universe will get you what you need to evolve, not what you want. When something goes wrong, is part of
a bigger picture that goes right. You embrace this but it’s still going to suck in the
beginning. NO matter what. Embrace the pain.
The more
emotionally traumatizing the experience, the better. The deeper it hits you,
when you get rejected, the better. That’s when shit inside you is changing. Embrace the pain. Going to the gym.
Pain to growth. Don’t numb the pain with alcohol etc. You are preventing the
change. Let it hit you. HARD. If you go out and drink, you won’t change
who you are. You will work on the you who had a few drinks. You will always
need those drinks. Work on the sober you. Be happy about the trauma. It
snaps you in the present. When you blindly go with the flow. You will feel
present. Experience it that way. Let the pain and humiliation sink in you. Reality
is full of pain, accept it. You want a reality pain free which doesn’t exist.
Develop a
perverted pleasure of pain. When it’s hitting you on a deep level, you are
growing, YOU ARE HAPPY. Get
real rejections too. Don’t eject the interaction before the rejection. When
the thing is dying down. BE
a man and get it in the face. Don’t do it all the time, but don’t bounce too early. That
won’t make you grow as much. Don’t let it discourage you. Don’t take the easy
way out either. Do the hard thing most people don’t do. When it’s hard, it’s
worth it. It sets you apart. Resist that urge of quitting.
Keep things in
perspective. You won’t die from it. Be realistic and relax. Don’t
take it seriously. Don’t be stressed over it. You are talking to strangers
who have no hold on you. You see the girl, you want to go, you can get
rejected, you imagine the worst case scenarios. It’s so exaggerated it’s
ridiculous. Your
perception is also wrong. Your scenario, good or bad, doesn’t happen. NO matter what. Have positive
assumptions. Go out, take action and notice that your worst case scenario
didn’t happen. Take
a note, make it a reference, do it many times until you realize it’s good, you
will assume the best. THIs is how you change your assumptions.
This is a
silly game with serious rules. A misfortune would be dying. This Is a game. Try again as
many times as you want. IF you fuck up, you are not done. It’s not a serious
ordeal, play to win and as hard as you can. Be realistic about girls as well.
Don’t place them on the pedestal. They are just like you. When you see a girl
you are scared of, picture her on Christmas morning. She won’t be maintaining the hot
girl’s front with her family. Go beyond her front. Don’t buy into the front.
Every girl who is scary is a sweetheart with the right guy. The beautiful
girls don’t have their life together. They spend their days reading Facebook
comments. She has flaws, she is a human. Be realistic about yourself, No
one cares. You think if you get rejected, everyone will stare at you, judge
you. NO one gives a
fuck. It’s your narcissism that makes you think so. Everyone is caught up on
themselves they won’t give a fuck. If someone sees you getting rejected, they
won’t be talking about it for years. They don’t care. They will notice it, then
back to their narcissistic solipsistic dialogue. They may even be jealous about you. They wish they had the balls to do
what you did. Don’t be worried about maintaining a certain reputation. No
one gives a fuck.
Find ways
to be amused by rejection. Laugh about yourself. Mock rejection. Master the
ability to laugh at yourself. Make jokes. I have money. I know Di Caprio. I am rich. If
you laugh about it, the other people looking at you will think it went well,
they will have no idea of you getting rejected. You will leave smiling and
laughing. Even in your mind you eliminate the notion of rejection. You
transform the event from a rejection to seething funny that happened. This fuels the massive fun and
carefree attitude that is irresistible to women.
GETTING YOUR
REFERENCES.
The more
reference experiences you will get in the shortest amount of time, the faster
you will get good at this. You go out and do it as many as possible as fast as
possible. Bars and night clubs. Don’t find excuses about clubs. If you
are avoiding those places you are retarded. Those places give you an
unlimited number of women to practice with.
Clubs are high
volume environments. You don’t waste time between an interaction and
another. It’s crowded, you can talk to all of them, and you gather
reference experiences fast. If you do it during the day, unless its high
volume, you will waste time like crazy.
The more
optionality you have the more mistakes you can make. If you go to a night club, there
isn’t one girl, one opportunity. No pressure. There is tons of women,
you can afford to fuck up with one, you can go to the next. The girls you
see in the street, she goes out to clubs, bars. She doesn’t lock up in her
room.
The logistics
are in your favor. People are going to be there for a while. During the day
people are going places and they might not have time for a long interaction.
You need time to practice, not 5 seconds.
It also
gives you anonymity. You can’t avoid rejection, you have to fuck it up. Getting
the rejections is best in a night club where you don’t stand out much. In the day people notice you, and
if you get rejected and try another girl, you will seem weird. In a night club
if you talk to someone and it doesn’t go well, you walk a bit and you disappear in the crowd. Girls will be more willing to talk to
you, mass approaching. If people notice you, they will forget about you faster.
Don’t make the
mistake or practicing on your social circles. That is retarded. You
are going to fuck up, don’t fuck up at home. Cold approach strangers.
Where there is no repercussions on your day to day life and when you get some
experience, you can start gaming your day to day life. Night clubs INDEED
are scary. You will feel uncomfortable. There is a lot of competition too.
She is most likely with friends. Guys. Competition with strangers. Music,
deejay, dance floor. It’s
tough. Be happy that it’s tough and be happy that it’s scary.
The tougher
the playground, the better you get inside. Learning to interact with women in such a crazy
environment is like learning with swim in the ocean while being punched in the
face. If you are able to learn it there, it will be a joke in other
environments. If you can desensitize yourself to hectic environments like night
clubs, you will be at ease anywhere. Day time will be a joke. Bars will be
a joke. It will be easy. And
with time, the more you will let go of negative assumptions for positive
assumptions, instead of thinking them as scary places, they will be your arena
of fun. Daddy’s home. You
will feel comfortable.
Open
everyone. Talk to
everyone. Doesn’t matter who she is. Everything is valuable. If you talk to
girls you only like, your progress will be very slow. There may be only 3-5
girls you like. In one night that’s terrible. Don’t sleep with the ones you
don’t like. But commit to serious game with them.
Play
serious game on every girl.
Don’t half ass it. You are wasting a fucking reference. Get her number, you can
delete it after. Practice everything. Guys think they will rise on occasion.
You need to practice every step. You have to prepare for the real deal.
When you will be interested, you will know exactly what to do.
This is
about you, not the girl. This is about cultivating your personality, bettering
yourself, putting yourself in harsh environments and sharing who you are. Don’t
discriminate who you interact to. Let everyone experience you. Let everyone get
attracted to you. Give
to everyone. SO you can receive. When you approach only hot girls, you will
automatically put them on a pedestal. You better not fuck it up. You will
be attached to the outcome, needy, desperate and it will repel her. You will
care too much. Go talk to girls you don’t find attractive until you have
genuine fun. Note. If you are finding yourself scanning the environment for
beautiful women, you are placing the value elsewhere. The better party is
over there. The party is with you no matter where you are. You must have fun
with anyone. There are no pedestals. You will talk to a gorgeous girl
with the mindset that if you fuck up, you can have fun with the girl next to
her. You won’t care as much. You are enough. You don’t need her, you don’t care
so she will automatically care more than you. Focus on you. The party is you. You
are the value. You will share your fun with every girls. You talk to everyone,
share your fun, and you will eventually bump into the beautiful girl and it
will be natural. You
will have her. If you are judging women based on your attraction, you are
reinforcing a reality based on judgment. Because you are judging them, you
think people are judging you the same way, and it will paralyze you. You will
get caught up in trying to be cool. You won’t try
risky things, you will care about your image.
Reinforce a
judgment free reality. Everything is good, no one cares. Do what you want. If a
beautiful girl sees you talking to an unattractive girl, she will like it, she
will think you are a cool guy. You are having fun. It will show you don’t give
a shit. People want to be around that, I don’t give a fuck vibe. Girls will be where you want them to
be. If you think that’s the hot girl, the big deal, she will be so. She will
hold off sleeping with you. Carefree, have fun, it’s all good. That’s how she will loosen
up and sleep with you.
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